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.” He cocked his head to study me.“You did not know?”I shook my head slowly.What was honor to one such as I? Bastard and assassin, what claim did I have to nobility of soul? I spoke the lie I would always despise.“I could not have fathered a child born at harvest.Molly had turned me out of her bed months before she left Buck.” I tried to keep my voice steady as I spoke.“If the mother is Molly, and she claims the child is mine, she lies.” I strove to be sincere as I added, “I am sorry, Fool.I have fathered no Farseer heir for you, nor do I intend to.” It was no effort to let my voice choke and tears mist my eyes.“Strange.” I shook my head against the pillow: “That such a thing could bring me such pain.That she could seek to pass the babe off as mine.” I closed my eyes.The Fool spoke gently.“As I understand it, she has made no claims for the child.As of yet, I believe she knows nothing of Chade's plan.”“I suppose I should see both Chade and Kettricken.To tell them I am alive and reveal the truth to them.But when I am stronger.Just now, Fool, I would be alone,” I begged him.I wanted to see neither sympathy nor puzzlement on his face.I prayed he would believe my lie even as I despised myself for the foul thing I had said of Molly.So I kept my eyes closed, and he took his candles and went away.I lay for a time in the dark, hating myself.It was better this way, I told myself.If ever I returned to her, I could make all right And if I did not, at least they would not take our child from her.I told myself over and over again I had done the wise thing.But I did not feel wise.I felt traitorous.I dreamed a dream at once vivid and stultifying.I chipped black stone.That was the entire dream, but it was endless in its monotony.I was using my dagger as a chisel and a rock as a hammer.My fingers were scabbed and swollen from the many times my grip had slipped and I'd struck them instead of the dagger hilt.But it didn't stop me.I chipped black stone.And waited for someone to come and help me.I awoke one evening to find Kettle sitting by my bed.She looked even older than I recalled.Hazy winter daylight seeped through a parchment window to touch her face.I studied her for a time before she realized I was awake.When she did, she shook her head at me.“I should have guessed, from all your strangeness.You were bound for the White Prophet yourself.” She leaned closer and spoke in a whisper.“He will not allow Starling in to see you.He says you are too weak for so lively a visitor.And that you wish no one to know you are here, just yet.But I'll take word of you to her, shall I?”I closed my eyes.A time of bright morning and a knock at the door.I could not sleep, nor could I stay awake for the fever that racked me.I had drunk willowbark tea until my belly was sloshing.Still my head pounded, and I was always shivering or sweating.The knock came again, louder, and Kettle set down the cup she had been plaguing me with.The Fool was at his worktable.He put aside his carving tool, but Kettle called “I'll get it!” and opened the door, even as he was saying, “No, let me.”Starling pushed in, so abruptly that Kettle exclaimed in surprise.Starling came past her, into the, room, shaking snow from her cap and cloak.She shot the Fool a look of triumph.The Fool merely nodded cordially at her as if he had been expecting her.He turned back to his carving without a word.The bright sparks of anger in her eyes grew hotter, and I sensed her satisfaction in something.She shut the door loudly behind her and came into the room like the north wind herself.She dropped to sit cross-legged on the floor beside my bed.“So, Fitz.I'm so glad to finally see you again.Kettle told me you were hurt.I'd have come to see you before, but I was turned away at the door.How are you today?”I tried to focus my mind.I wished she would move more slowly and speak more softly.“It's too cold in here,” I complained petulantly.“And I've lost my earring.” I had only discovered the loss that morning.It fretted me.I could not recall why it was so important, but my mind would not let go of it either.The very thought made my headache worse.She stripped off her mittens.One hand was bandaged still.She touched my forehead with the other.Her hand was blessedly cold.Odd that cold could feel so good.“He's burning up!” she accused the Fool.“Haven't you the sense to give him willowbark tea?”The Fool shaved off another curl of wood.“There's a pot of it there by your knee, if you haven't overset it.If you can get him to drink any more of it, you're a better man than I.” Another curl of wood.“That would not be hard,” Starling said in an ugly little voice.Then, in a kinder tone, to me, “Your earring isn't lost.See, I have it right here.” She took it from the pouch at her belt.One small part of me worked well enough to notice that she was warmly dressed in the Mountain style now.Her hands were cold and a bit rough as she put the earring back in my ear for me.I found a question.“Why did you have it?”“I asked Kettle to bring it to me,” she told me bluntly.“When he would not let me in to see you.I had to have a token, something to prove to Kettricken that all I told her was true.I have been to her and spoken to her and her counselor, this very day.”The Queen's name broke through my wandering thoughts and gave me a moment of focus.“Kettricken! What have you done?” I cried in dismay.“What have you told her?”Starling looked startled.“Why, all she must know so that she will help you on your quest.That you are truly alive.That Verity is not dead, and that you will seek him.That word must be sent to Molly that you are alive and well, so that she shall not lose heart but will keep your child safe until you return.That.”“I trusted you!” I cried out.“I trusted you with my secrets and you have betrayed me.What a fool I've been!” I cried out in despair.All, all was lost.“No, I am the Fool.” He broke into our conversation he walked slowly across the room and stood looking down on me.“The more so that I had believed you trusted me, it seems,” he went on, and I had never seen him so pale.“Your child,” he said to himself.“A true child of Farseer lineage.” His yellow eyes flickered like a dying fire as they darted from Starling to me.“You know what such tidings mean to me.Why? Why lie to me?”I did not know what was worse, the hurt in the Fool's eyes, or the triumph in the glance Starling gave him.“I had to lie, to keep her mine! The child is mine, not a Farseer heir!” I cried out desperately.“Mine and Molly's.A child to grow and love, not a tool for a kingmaker.And Molly must not hear I am alive from any save me! Starling, how could you have done this to me? Why was I such an idiot, why did I talk of such things at all to anyone?”Now Starling looked as injured as the Fool.She stood up stiffly and her voice was brittle.“I but sought to help you.To help you do what you must do.” Behind Starling, the wind gusted the door open.“That woman has a right to know her husband is alive.”“To which woman do you refer?” asked another icy voice.To my consternation, Kettricken swept into the room with Chade at her heels.She regarded me with a terrible face.Grief had ravaged her, had carved deep lines beside her mouth and eaten the flesh from her cheeks
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