[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
.”Dima shook his head.“No.” He ducked his head before Xavier could read him.Xavier getting him a pet, that would definitely signify permanence and Dima wasn’t sure…he couldn’t be sure.Xavier remained silent for a beat, staring steadily into Dima’s eyes.“I asked you a question earlier, right before Butch showed up.”Dima was kinda hoping they could forget about that, or at least pretend to.He took a breath and nodded.“Da.”“What was your first reaction?” Xavier asked.“Before you started really thinking about it, before you talked yourself out it, what was your gut reaction?”Dima worried the piercing in his lip and looked away.His insides squeezed, as if held in a tight fist.He shook his head mutely, afraid to meet Xavier’s gaze.Xavier touched him, rough fingers trembling slightly on his chin, turning his head, bringing his gaze back to Xavier’s.Dima snapped his eyes shut.“Rush.” Xavier’s tone was hushed, pained, filled with emotion Dima couldn’t deal with, couldn’t acknowledge.“Tell me.”Dima lifted both hands and placed them, eyes still closed, to Xavier’s chest.He touched his lover, touched his hardness, his heat, hands roaming over him.“Yes.” Dima opened his eyes.Xavier held him captive with one look, the intensity tripping him up.“M-My gut reaction was yes.”Xavier’s mouth curved.Dima hastened to finish his thought.“But I can’t.I don’t—” He stopped himself, rubbing a palm over his head in frustration.“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”“Why?”“Permanence.A relationship.Those things aren’t in the cards for me,” Dima said softly.“Not now and maybe not ever.I’m not the type.”Xavier cocked his head.“What type? The type of man I can love, who can love me back? The type of man I can commit to? I can enjoy myself with? You’re not that type?” His voice grew harder, rougher with each word he spoke, raising the hairs on Dima’s arms.Dima shook his head.“Yes.I’m not who you settle down with.” He tried to school his features into a semblance of nonchalance, but that wasn’t easy.“I told you this before.” He rubbed his arms.“I care for you and this, this is great, but it can’t be more.I can’t give more.” He wanted to, wanted to give and get more.But there was no hope for it, for them.He wouldn’t con Xavier into thinking they could have it.That wouldn’t be fair.“Let’s enjoy now.” He cupped Xavier’s stubbled jaw.“Let’s not be greedy.”Xavier’s nostrils flared and he stepped back.Dima let his hands drop to his sides.“Take off your clothes.” Xavier’s harsh words made Dima’s entire body clench.“I want you naked.” He turned and headed back toward the house.“And don’t you fucking move.”Dima gaped after him before he hurried to do as Xavier had ordered.There’d been a flash of something in Xavier’s eyes, like heartbreak, like pain.The last thing Dima wanted to cause, but he had to speak the words.He had to make sure Xavier knew there wasn’t anything for them beyond what they had.His chest hurt.Worse than it did when Mateo walked away, way more than when his father died.This.It felt like someone was hacking his heart out of his chest.Not someone.Him.His pain was all self-inflicted.But what else was to be expected from a masochist?He worried the ball on the underside of his lip as he stood naked, hands clasped behind him.It was dark out and they were on a private, fenced in property.But even if they weren’t, he didn’t give two fucks about propriety, about someone seeing them.In fact, that would turn him on.He just wanted to give Xavier what he wanted.To obey his lover, to take away the heavy darkness in his gaze, on his face.Something told Dima that his words had not only hurt, but disappointed Xavier.But his lover had to understand, he had to know that Dima couldn’t get even more tangled in Xavier than he already was.Too much was at stake.Xavier opened the back door and strode to Dima with something in his hand.As he drew closer Dima made out a whip and…the black belt Dima couldn’t seem to part with.“Found this in your duffel bag.” Xavier held up the belt.“I’ve been searching for it.”Dima shrugged.“I like it.”Xavier nodded then gazed up at the sky.“Turn around.” He looked at Dima.“We’re going over to the basketball court.”Dima frowned, but he didn’t question Xavier.He began walking, bare feet, naked, semi-hard cock swinging as he felt Xavier’s gaze on him.He wanted to ask Xavier what he had planned, but the belt and the whip sorta gave things away.Why were they going to the basketball court, though?The grass under his feet tickled as he walked.The scent of fresh cut grass still lingered in the air, and a warm gentle breeze brushed over his skin.Huge, bright spotlights shone on the court, making it appear almost like daylight, high noon.Once inside, he stood and waited for Xavier to instruct him.“I want you over at the pole.” Xavier pointed to the nearest hoop with its long metal pole bolted to the ground.Dima looked from it to Xavier.“What is—”“I don’t want to hear you talk,” Xavier barked.“Get over there and hug it.”He was angry.His tone gave him away, and Dima walked over, wrapping his arms around the pole, his back to Xavier.The picture was coming together
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]