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.“I’ll see them soon.Just give them my love for now.”Geraldine stands there now, not going in and leaving Joanna no option but to walk away.She can do nothing else.She turns away.And she takes a look back from the end of the drive.She tries not to look reproachful.And she manages because she sees momentarily behind Geraldine’s façade.The woman is as grief torn as Joanna is.But the impression is gone in an instant.And she goes indoors and the door clicks to.Out in the drive, Joanna is left with a mixture of emotions.Her fantasy that Geraldine has somehow disappeared off the face of the earth and that she would never see her again – that is gone.She has seen her and her reaction was no different to any time in the previous weeks when they were together.She loves Geraldine as much as ever.Somewhere lurking inside her is the feeling that they will go on seeing each other, somehow in the future, if only as friends in the Gang.She could almost settle for that at this point.And was she mistaken in what she saw? Was Geraldine upset? Surely she could only be upset? How else could she be after all that they have so recently experienced?But later in bed that night, she does not think that it will be enough to see her friend and recent lover over the metaphorical ‘crowded room’ of the Gang.Lying in her empty bed, she aches for the woman’s embrace and the wonder of making love with her.Work holds no pleasure for her in the days that follow.That zing of working with her psychologist friend is gone.And she knows she is almost impatient as she listens to the troubles of other people.Shame comes over her for that.How dare she, she asks herself, how dare she view the pain of others as so trivial by comparison with hers?On Friday evening, after a week in which she has been conscious of Angela keeping an eye on her, she and Wendy go through to Findhorn for the promised bar supper.Wendy arrives at her house, knowing, she says, that Geraldine cannot be there tonight as the evening clashes with son-in-law, Tom’s birthday.She is oblivious to the real reason for Geraldine’s absence and chatters all the way to the pub about the sheer delight she feels for her two pals.Joanna does not enlighten her and assumes that this is the way Geraldine has decided to play it.She is miserable to the pit of her stomach but she keeps up the pretence as best she can.It is Bobby who scrutinises her over the evening but says nothing.And on the way home, after a pleasant enough evening but one where the combination of Geraldine’s absence, Michelle’s continuing awkwardness and her own misery brought a pall to the fun of the evening, Wendy starts to question.“Are you sure you are OK? You seem out of sorts tonight.”She passes over it, lying and saying that she is just missing her friend.She is, of course, but not for the reason that Wendy surmises.She tries to change the subject.“You never have told us who you are seeing and why it is such a big secret.Tell me to mind my own business,” she adds as Wendy goes quiet, “But we love you, you know.We all do.And it’s unlike you not to be open with us.”Wendy thinks about it.Joanna can see as she glances to her left from the driving seat that she wants to talk.She leaves the silence to see whether Wendy will fill it.She knows that Wendy will assume that if she tells Joanna, Joanna will pass that on to Geraldine.“Whatever you say, it stays with me.I promise.”Wendy decides.“He is married man.” She lets that sink in.“Oh.” Joanna says, unsurprised.Then, “Tricky.”“Quite.”“Dare I ask – who is it?”The silence seems to last for ages.“Jerry.”“Oh God.No.” Joanna’s reaction is out before she can help herself.Jerry.It’s Bobby’s seemingly adoring husband.How could Wendy? How could Jerry?“I didn’t expect you to be too pleased.” Wendy says, miserably.Joanna rallies.“It’s not up to me to be pleased or otherwise.But Bobby is our friend, Wendy.How on earth did it happen?”The story comes out slowly.Jerry adores Bobby; Wendy knows that.But Wendy and he had what started as a fling a couple of summers ago after one of the Gang’s barbecues on Findhorn beach.Joanna remembers that evening.How could she have missed the flirtation that must have been going on?“And the rest, as they say, is history.”“So what are you going to do about it? I mean, you said before that for two pins you would leave Toby.If it weren’t for Benny, that is.”“Jerry won’t leave Bobby.And for her sake I don’t think that he should.At least that’s what I tell myself when I am being generous and concerned for her and the Gang.Then Jerry and I get together as best we can and I just want him.So I’m pretty miserable, actually.”Joanna is sure that she is miserable.She feels and says that she is in a glasshouse and should not throw any stones.She has, after all, managed to get herself involved in the workplace with a woman, and so, who is she to make comment about Wendy’s situation?“That’s different.You are in love with Geraldine.”“And you aren’t with Jerry?”“Good God, no.It’s lust.It’s pure lust and we both know it.But it’s great and it’s compelling and it gives something to my life that would otherwise be misery with just Toby and Benny and their perpetual bickering.”“So why risk everything that the Gang stands for over an affair that is going nowhere”“I wish I knew.”“Oh Wendy.”Her words are as much in sympathy as in sadness for her friend.How muddled Wendy must be to know she is not in love with this man and yet to contemplate a life with him.But Joanna does not really understand how this could have happened.She saw not a sign of it and she has no doubt the others have not either.Somehow she had assumed that it would be someone at work.It had even crossed her mind to think that it might be a woman.But that it should be Jerry of all people – the husband of one of their best friends.She knows it is a classic situation with no happy ending.But that makes it all the worse.She can only give Wendy a hug as she drops her off.Not judging people goes with the territory of her job and if she can apply it there, she can surely apply it here where it matters most - with one of her closest friends and one who has supported her all the way in her relationship with Geraldine.Although Wendy does not know it, each of them is heading home to a sad bed.And it looks to Joanna as she settles for sleep that the time of the Gang must by definition be limited.How can it survive one of the members having an affair with another’s husband, a relationship between two of the women and, on top of that, the fact that it is now a secret that the two women’s relationship is over?Chapter 31Annie is clearly under the influence when she rings late into the evening.Jemmy is out at a sports conference for teachers and she has time on her hands at home.She expects to find Geraldine and Joanna together and just wants, she says, to thank Geraldine for being so friendly when they met.Joanna is tempted to lie and say that her lover is tied up with family.But she wants a sympathetic ear and she has also had a gin and tonic after Lou went off to bed
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