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.Simply put, that meant killing and wounding as many Soviets as possible, and fucking up their infrastructure any way we could.Just about anything was a legitimate target.Before that could happen, the Hinds had to be eliminated.The American Stinger ground-to-air heat-seeking missile was the best in the business at knocking things out of the sky.The trouble was, it was so good the Americans were reluctant to let go of them.The risk of them falling into the wrong hands was just too high.Instead, the Brits were tasked with teaching the locals how to use Blowpipe, our equivalent to the Stinger.We'd round up about thirty at a time and get them out to Pakistan.Then we'd throw them on a C-130, and have a two-day trip to one of the little islands off the west coast of Scotland.We ran our own field-firing exercises, teaching the boys everything from how to use Blowpipe to how to drop electricity pylons.At the end of their couple of weeks of rain and cold, we'd put them back on the C-130 with a packed lunch and a can of Fanta, get them into Pakistan, then over the border to put theory into practice.The trouble was, Blowpipe was a heap of shit.Not even the Brits used it any more: you had to be a PlayStation wizard to operate the thing, and that was before PlayStation even existed.It was soon clear it wasn't working.The sky was still full of Hinds.The Americans had to relent.They opened the toy cupboard and broke out the Stingers.The muj had to be trained all over again.The west coast of Scotland reopened for mujahideen short-breaks and the C-130s resumed their shuttle.The kit was filtering into Afghanistan via covert convoys, but the shifty fuckers weren't using it.Stingers were far too nice and shiny, and the muj were saving them for a rainy day.It was then that we had to go over there ourselves and get our hands dirty.We were running all over the snow-peaked mountains and harsh rock valleys I was now seeing below us.We ambushed, attacked, blew up and killed anything that carried a hammer and sickle.Every time a Hind retaliated, one of us would loose off a Stinger and blow it out of the sky.All my Christmases had come at once.Eventually the Russians had had enough.We'd helped make Afghanistan their Vietnam.One day they just got back into their tanks and few remaining Hinds and crept out of town.We withdrew, only for the muj to start fighting among themselves all over again – as they do.If there's no enemy, they kick the shit out of each other.They're even worse than Jocks.Fifty thousand people were killed in Kabul alone during the civil war that followed.The Taliban finally won in 1996, and they ran the shop until late 2001.That was when, after 9/11, the USA came calling with a few thousand tonnes of bombs so the Northern Alliance could enter the city and take over for the US forces that were 'liberating' the country.And so the show goes on.Even today, the US are still shitting themselves at the prospect of Stingers being used against them, and rightly so.Pallet loads of the things are unaccounted for.They could be lying in somebody's shed, still waiting for that rainy day, or in Iran, being busily reverse-engineered.42'This your first time in Afghanistan, mate?'The Australian in the aisle seat to my left was in his late fifties, with grey, well-groomed hair.He'd been dressed from head to toe by Brooks Brothers.The hand that took a gin and tonic from the permanently smiling attendant was manicured.He had 'diplomat' written all over him.One look at my T-shirt and unbooted feet should have been enough to tell him how I fitted into the picture.There would be thousands of guys like me in-country, and our two lives wouldn't overlap.No invitations to the ambassador's party would be heading in my direction.Nonetheless, he held up his glass.'Cheers.'I nodded.'Yes, first time.'He took another sip, then dipped into our bowl of cashews.'So what do you do? What brings you here?''Travel writer.I do guidebooks.We call them "Outside the Comfort Zone".'He laughed, then threw a few more nuts down his neck.'You really think people will want to come here?''Dunno.That's what I've come to find out.'I sat back in my very comfortable seat, reclined it a bit more and picked up one of the Indian business magazines to fuck him off as nicely as possible
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