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.“No, I’ll see him.It’ll be better to see him.”As she gets into her car, Margaret says, “Why don’t I check with Mr Gillespie anyway, just so we’re clear on who’s got what?”I would have preferred to avoid even this small fuss but I can’t think of a reason not to agree.Before joining Leonard, waiting patiently in the drawing-room, I go outside and call halfheartedly for Josh.The garden is overwhelming, the air warm and heavy with the scent of pine and grass, the lawn streaked with long golden light.An insect buzzes idly past, and floating up from the river comes the reedy call of a marsh bird.I feel a sudden relief at being home, an unexpected gratitude at being returned to this small corner of the world, which, through some miracle, seems to continue as before, altered but unchanged.I thought it would be far harder coming back, that I’d find it agonising to see the river again, to sleep in our bed, to see and touch Harry’s clothes.But I am stronger than I realise.I think I always have been.I call again, but if Josh hears me he doesn’t reply, and after a time I go back inside.Crossing the hall, I step lightly past the drawing-room door and enter the passage that leads to Harry’s study.The walls are decorated with assorted hunting prints and antique maps of Suffolk, and, half-way along, a large framed nautical chart.This too is a bit of an antique.The markings are faint, intricate and closely packed and, in the poor light, it is a moment or two before I manage to find the Gunfleet Sand, which appears to be a long shoal radiating outwards from the mouth of the Thames.Comparing it to Harry’s planned route, I see that it lies well off to the left as you look at the chart.If they have to focus their attention anywhere, I suppose this is as good a place as any.But I wish they would leave Harry in peace.The thought of them finding him gives me actual physical pain.All it could possibly achieve is heartache for the children and me.No one seems to have thought of that.Probably because no one has asked me.I should speak out; there is nothing to stop me.But I would have to argue long and hard, and I’m not sure I could do it convincingly.Chapter 3THE DRAWING ROOM is bright after the gloom of the passage.Leonard is sitting in an armchair on the far side of the flower-filled hearth.He pulls his tall frame hastily out of the chair.“Ellen.” He pats my hand with light fluttering strokes, as if I am made of something more fragile than flesh and bone.His pepper-and-salt eyebrows, which protrude like porcupine quills, are pulled together in a frown.“You must be very tired.We could easily leave this until another day, you know.” He releases my hand abruptly, as if he has already held it too long.“I’d rather not.”“It’d be no trouble to come back over the weekend.Any time at all.”“I’d rather go ahead.If you don’t mind.” I realise the news isn’t going to be good—there have been hints and meaningful pauses from the family—and now it has got to the point where I would prefer to know the worst.Leonard hovers a moment.“You are taking care of yourself, Ellen? You’ve got someone in the house tonight? You shouldn’t be alone, you know.Can’t Molly stay with you?”There is something about me—my appearance, my manner, I’m not sure what—that has always made people feel they must worry about me, people like Leonard and Charles and Molly anyway.And with Harry’s death their concern has been given full rein.“Leonard,” I almost laugh, “I’m all right.”He stares at me, not entirely convinced, then gives a resigned nod.We sit down.Leonard pulls his briefcase onto his lap and extracts a batch of papers from a folder.“I’ll start with the legal situation, if that’s all right.Everything else rather stems from that.” Leonard, who must be nearer sixty than fifty, comes from the old breed of solicitor, the kind who cares for you from cradle to grave.Harry took him on soon after we married.The choice rather surprised me.Harry’s other advisers—his accountants, financial consultants, corporate lawyers—were always young and assertive.But it was probably Leonard’s very staidness, the very solidity of his values that recommended him to Harry.“Since we last spoke, things have become a little clearer,” Leonard begins carefully.“But I’m afraid that, generally speaking, the situation is rather—difficult, Ellen.” He pulls his cadaverous face into a regretful expression.“As you know, the will is relatively straightforward, and under normal circumstances probate would be granted within months.But as things stand—well, I’m afraid we can’t hope to have it proved for some considerable time—”“The will,” I interrupt tentatively.“I’m sorry—you wouldn’t go through it for me?” “What, the terms, you mean?” “Yes.”“Oh…” He is reluctant.I think he was keen to get the bad news over with and I have put him off his stride.“Very well,” he says hesitantly.“Is it one or two things you’re not clear about, Ellen, or…?”“Well, I think…just the basics, really.”He gives me a sharp look, alive with sudden apprehension.“But you have seen the will?”“Well…not actually seen it, no.”He tries again, gently.“But you saw it some time ago?”“Harry told me about it.”“Oh!” Leonard’s sense of propriety is offended.“I thought—You said on the phone—”I apologise.I explain that I was not at my brightest during that conversation which, if I remember correctly, took place at the unpromising hour of six a.m.just two days after the children and I arrived in California.I was awake, as it happened, but groggy with sleeping pills and whatever else I was taking at the time.“Well, if Harry told you…” Leonard says, somewhat mollified.When Josh was born Harry told me that if anything should happen to him we would be taken care of.He took a certain pride in being able to provide for us, something which, by his reckoning, his father had singularly failed to do for him.He told me there would be a trust fund but did not go into detail.He was never a person to reveal more than he chose to.Secrecy came naturally to him, a form of self-preservation that he had learnt in his troubled childhood.It was two years ago that Harry mentioned he was setting up a special trust fund for Katie.I was proud, grateful, touched.Generally I don’t believe inherited money does young people many favours, but for someone as insecure as Kate it would be a blessing, something to give her some much needed independence.Typically, Harry did not tell me how much was involved and, just as typically, I did not ask
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