[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
.This was unreal.It felt like being in an improv class; she had to find a way to say the unsayable.She had to find a way to live with knowing she was about to change someone else’s life—in addition to her own—forever.She had to tell him she was pregnant and that she’d made the decision to keep the baby, so forevermore, no matter what happened between the two of them, he was going to be a father.He would know, whether he acted on it or not, that he was a father.And she would know she’d done that to him.She parked the car out in front of his apartment, took a deep breath, and went to the door.It took a long moment for her to knock, but when she did, he seemed to open it almost immediately.“Hey,” he said, clearly surprised.“Hi.I’m sorry to come unannounced.But we”—she took a shuddering breath—“we need to talk.”Was that relief that crossed his expression? “I’ve been thinking the same thing,” he said.“Come on in, have a seat.I know it’s only noon, but do you want a beer?”She gave a dry laugh.“No, thanks.”“Mind if I have one?”“Please do.” Please have six.He popped open a can of Bud and sat down at the hexagonal table he and his roommate had gotten from Goodwill.“Have a seat,” he said again.“That’s okay, I’m a little nervous.”He nodded.“I think maybe we’re feeling the same way.” Later those words would register for her, but her first reaction upon hearing them was that maybe her nerves were so blaring, he couldn’t help but pick up on them.“The thing is…” Words failed her.Just stopped.He waited a moment, then prompted.“What?”“I…” Her palms grew sweaty, instantly.She felt like she could puke, though it was nerves not the baby.This should be so straightforward.In a way, so easy.But it was like she was a character in a fairy tale who’d lost the ability to speak.“Maybe I should start?”She wanted to shake her head, to stop him from what she feared he was going to say, but she couldn’t move.She just felt her eyes widen and burn with unshed tears.“I think you’re great,” he started.“I mean that, you’re one of the greatest girls I’ve ever met—”“I’m pregnant!” she blurted, then felt herself stepping backwards.She didn’t know why; she wasn’t afraid of him.Was it some instinct to back out of the place and run? She didn’t know, but she felt behind her with her hand until the wall impeded her, and she stopped and took a bracing breath to try and face him.He’d gone pale.Seriously pale.All the blood must have left his entire head.“What?”She nodded spastically.“Are you sure?”“Yes.I took more than one test.”“How?”“I don’t know.We used protection.Did you notice anything, ever, that went wrong with that?”“Obviously not.”Well, obviously so, but she didn’t say that.“There was that one time we didn’t have anything, so I pulled out,” he said, frowning, thinking.No, there wasn’t.That had never happened.She never would have taken the chance on purpose.It must have been another girl.He must have realized that too, because he amended, “No, we didn’t, what am I talking about? My head is spinning.We were careful every time—this isn’t possible.”“I know.But it’s true.”He drained his beer and went to the fridge.“Are you sure you don’t want one?”“Can’t.Pregnant.”He came back with two anyway, opened them both, and drained one after the other.“So does that mean you’ve made your decision?”“Yes, I’m keeping it.But you’re not obligated in any way.I’m only here to tell you so you know, so you can participate as much or as little as you want to.This can be my deal alone if you want it to be, but I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t give you the choice to be there as everything … progresses.”He looked down for a long time, and she watched the muscle tic in his jaw.He did that during sex too, when he was trying not to come.She’d thought it was sexy then.Now it just made her feel small and troublesome.Finally he looked up.“I want to be there, of course.”She hadn’t expected that.“What?”He stood up and came to her.She could smell the beer on his breath as he approached.“I want to be there for you, for you both.I’m not leaving you alone with this, you know that.”“I don’t expect anything from you.”“That’s what I like about you,” he said, and pulled her in for a hug.He kissed her forehead.“You’re so kind that you’re worried about what this means for me rather than what you’re about to go through.”“Well, I’m worried about both,” she said against his chest, and gave a half laugh.He gave a half laugh too.Nothing was really funny, but what else could they do? “We’ll make this work,” he said.“What did you want to talk to me about?” she asked.It had sounded serious.The words he had gotten out wouldn’t register until later on, when she tried to piece together her memories of the conversation.“Nothing.It doesn’t matter.” He kissed the top of her head again.“I don’t even remember.”* * *JULIA LOOKED AT her glass of water, then back at Colleen
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]