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.’They had turned to pace on, down the still-frosty paths, Stephen glancing often at Elinor, she trying to stem a feeling of rising excitement she couldn’t be sure she should have.‘Won’t all this cost a lot?’ she asked shakily.‘Yes, but I think I can manage.My uncle left me a bit and you remember I was going to buy a place of my own one day? This centre could be it.’ Suddenly, he grasped her hand, then let it go.‘Don’t you agree? Don’t you think it could be a success?’‘There’d be a lot to think about.’‘I’ll have the time.Haven’t exactly finished fighting yet.’At his words, carelessly said, a great cloud of darkness seemed to descend over her, as it sank into her mind afresh that his fighting wasn’t over, that he must return to the front.‘Oh, don’t!’ she cried.‘Don’t talk about it.You have to go back tomorrow!’There was a silence between them, broken by sobs she couldn’t hold back, and Stephen, pulling off his glove, gently dried her eyes with his handkerchief.‘You still care, then?’ he asked softly.‘About me?’‘You know I do.’‘Look at my handkerchief.’‘Handkerchief?’ She turned it in her fingers, saw the initials she’d embroidered, raised her tearful eyes.‘Oh, Stephen, you’ve still got them? My hankies?’‘I’ve still got them.Put them aside once.Took ’em out again.’‘And I’ve still got my scarf.Always will have.’Gently, he drew her into his arms, holding her close, pushing back her hat so that he could brush her brow with his lips.‘Elinor,’ he whispered, ‘we’ve both been pretty foolish, haven’t we?’‘I was foolish, Stephen.I was the one who made the mistake.Threw away something precious.’‘I know how it was.You were dazzled, that’s all.It happens.’‘Dazzled? Yes, maybe.It’s no excuse.’‘I made mistakes, too,’ he said after a pause.‘I knew you and Barry had parted.I knew – I could sense it – that you wanted to come back to me, but I was too proud.I wouldn’t forgive you.’‘I don’t blame you.I’d let you down; I would have felt the same.’He gave a long, troubled sigh.‘I thought I could be happy with Frances, but she was wiser than me.You know she broke our engagement?’‘Your mother told me.She seemed upset.’‘No, she just didn’t understand.Frances was right to do what she did.Told me she knew there was someone else, even if I didn’t know it myself any more.I realized what she said was true.’He put his hands on her shoulders, made her look at him, for she had been lowering her eyes.‘I realized I’d never stopped loving you, Elinor, and that was the way it was going to be for me, come what may.’‘Stephen, I didn’t know.How could I? When I saw your engagement in the paper, I thought there was no hope.No hope at all.So when Barry asked me to marry him, I said I would.’There, she had said it.What she knew she must.As her great anxious eyes searched his face, Stephen was silent.‘It was to look after him, Stephen, that was all.He’d lost his leg, he was in a very bad state – they were even thinking he might.try to take his own life.’ Elinor’s voice trembled.‘He’d been a footballer, you know.’‘Poor devil.’ Stephen shook his head.‘I see how it was, then.But you’re not.you’re not.going to marry him now?’‘No, no.It’s all over.When he got his artificial leg at Queen Mary’s, it was wonderful, really, he seemed to take on a new lease of life.Didn’t need me any more.’‘And you didn’t mind?’‘Stephen, I was never so relieved.’‘You truly don’t love him?’‘I’m here with you,’ she said quietly.‘Where I want to be.’That was when their mouths met and, after so long apart, they tasted passion again, both as though on wings in the darkening gardens, oblivious to a man walking past them with his dog, oblivious to the castle, the lights ahead of Princes Street, to everything except that they had come full circle, back to their love.‘You have to go,’ Elinor said at last, pulling herself away.‘You’re taking your mother out tonight, remember.’‘I want to take her out, but I wish I could have been with you.’They began to walk slowly back, her arm in his, their eyes constantly meeting.‘You liked her, didn’t you, when you met her at Maule’s?’ Stephen asked.‘My mother? I know she’ll like you.’To talk to, maybe, but as to more than that, Elinor wasn’t sure.‘Don’t say anything about me tonight, Stephen.Let her have you to herself, eh?’‘And what about your mother? I want to meet her, you know, and your brother, as soon as I come back.’If you come back, she thought, and sensed again that great cloud of fear waiting to consume her as soon as Stephen had gone.‘Corrie’s been discharged,’ she said bravely.‘His right arm’s pretty well useless now – he’s had to take a salesman’s job at a tailor’s.’‘Oh, no, Elinor – oh, God, I’m so sorry.He wanted to be a draughtsman, didn’t he? That’s just one more life ruined by this war.’‘At least he’s safe.’‘At what cost? Oh, what’s the point of protesting? No one listens, no one counts the waste.But it will have to end soon, Elinor, it will have to!’Even though they were in sight of the shops and the pavements crammed with people, Stephen flung his arms round Elinor and held her so hard she could scarcely breathe.‘It’ll end this year, Elinor, I promise you.This year, some time, I’ll come back to you.’But she couldn’t believe him, and saying goodbye to him when they had just found each other again was like feeling her heart wrenched from her body.He had said she couldn’t see him off; he was leaving very early in the morning with a number of people from the regiment.Could they bear it, anyway?‘No,’ said Elinor.‘Oh, no.’‘But I’ll write,’ he told her, on the steps of the Primrose.‘I’ll write whenever I can, and you must write to me, and send me knitted mittens and tins of chocolate and anything else you fancy – promise?’‘I promise,’ she cried, tears gathering again, and because it was dark and because they couldn’t help it, they clasped each other close again and kissed and kissed for the last time.Then Stephen drew slowly away and turned, waved, and left her.And Elinor, as stiffly as a jointed doll, walked up the steps and in at the door.Just as long as no one sees me, she thought, I’ll be all right.As though no one would see her! Of course they would see her; wasn’t she here to work?‘Why, Elinor,’ said Brenda, finding her.‘Aren’t you going home? I thought you weren’t on duty tonight?’‘Oh, Brenda,’ cried Elinor, and resting her head on Brenda’s shoulder, let the tears flow
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