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.'When I ran out into the street and saw you in the road, the blood, the way you lay there so still and silent, I thought.' He broke off, gasping, and his arms went round her, held her so tightly she couldn't breath.'I thought, God help me, yon were dead, and I couldn't move.I stood there and I wanted to die too.' He kissed her hair, her cheek, her ear, trying to reach her mouth and being evaded by the turn of her head, her shake of denial.'Marina,' he whispered, 'I love you.I never even knew how much until I saw you lying in the road and I thought you were dead and I could never tell you.''You must go now,' she said coolly, sitting stiffly in the circle of his arms.He drew back and his eyes flashed.'Don't do this.I need you.''Well, I don't need you,' she snapped, hating him for the way he phrased that because whether he knew it or not he still did not know how to love.He was still putting his own needs in front of everything else.'You're the last thing I need,' she told him.'I need you like I need a hole in the head.'She was totally white, her face clenched in self- control which was going to weaken if he didn't go soon because she wanted to throw herself down on the bed and cry, but if she did, Gideon would take her into his arms and, weakened, she might never have the strength to send him away again.Gideon stared at her and stood up.The long, lean body stiffened.She met the black probe of his eyes and fought with every ounce of self-control to keep her own gaze level and cold.'I love you,' he said at last.'You're too late.' Her lips twisted ironically as she said that.'Goodbye, Gideon.'For a long moment he stared at her.Then he turned and walked out of the room.Marina lay down because she was trembling and her head was pounding violently.She closed her eyes and let the world slip far away from her where it couldn't hurt her for a little while.The sunshine slid around the room like a curious ghost until it found the spilled silvery hair and played with it, giving a reflected brightness to the pale still face.She was sleeping but the tears were crawling down her face and her lips were mumbling silently in her sleep.CHAPTER SEVENWhen she woke up again the room was filled with the reflections of the dying sun and the house was silent.She shivered, as though she were dying of cold, listening to the emptiness around her.Gideon had gone, she thought, leaving her aching for him, despite her hatred and anger.She slid out of the bed and padded quietly to the window.The gulls floated silently across the sea, streaming behind a returning fishing boat, in a coloured tail of light shed from the setting sun.The fish refuse from the boat would have been thrown over the side, giving the gulls an easy banquet.It was a common sight in the evenings, a fishing boat with a flock of gulls following it.What was she going to do? She leaned her elbows on the windowsill and tried to think, but it was hard to force her mind to function when her stupid emotions clamoured as they were doing, thrusting pain on to her when she had had enough of it and wanted nothing but peace.She would have to make a decision about her future.The dreamy romanticism which had sheltered her during these past months had evaporated in the blinding light of memory and now she knew with a pang that the life of the concert artist was not for her.She did not want to travel around the world, as Gideon did, playing at that pitch all the time, always in the public eye; always walking the tightrope of success with no safety net beneath one to cushion one's fall.Her marriage to Gideon had taught her that much.She did not have the stomach for that life.For her, music was a private, personal thing.The harsh glare of the concert hall distracted her from that intense experience which music gave her when she was alone.She would have to tell Grandie, but she could not face it yet.She needed a little time in which she could grow some sort of armour before she faced the outside world.It was not going to be easy, but Marina meant to harden herself.She went to the bathroom and washed, paused to listen for some sound downstairs and heard nothing.Grandie had perhaps gone for a walk.She dressed and went downstairs, but when she walked into the kitchen she stopped dead, two little coins of red beginning to burn in her cheeks.Gideon looked at her coolly.'Coffee?''What are you still doing here?' She was breathless and angry, her eyes dark.He didn't answer that.Pouring some coffee, he pushed the cup across the table.Ruffy came out from a corner and leapt up at her.Absently she patted the dog's rough white coat, her eyes still fixed on Gideon and words churning uselessly around her head.'Where's Grandie?''Playing chess with the vicar,' he said in a normal conversational tone.'You must be hungry.What would you like to eat?''Does Grandie know you're still here?'Gideon looked at her without answering, his expression mild and slightly sardonic.It had been a stupid question.Of course Grandie must know he was still here! Why had Grandie gone out, leaving him alone in the house with her? Gideon had always been able to make other people do as he wished, turning the magnet of his willpower on them and coercing them without difficulty.She had thought that Grandie hated him as much as she did, that he would fight Gideon's will, but Grandie had gone out and left her undefended.Gideon was watching her, reading her thoughts, the black eyes glittering with a mockery which lay along the hard curve of his mouth too, telling her that her rebellious stare was amusing him.'Yes,' he said softly, 'Grandie has abandoned you to me.This is one battle you're going to have to fight all by yourself, Marina.''Don't think I can't,' she retorted fiercely, her chin raised in defiance.'I told you to go and I meant every word of it.I don't want you here.' She took a short sharp breath.'I don't want you,' she emphasised.His dark eyes took on a cool glimmer which did not betray his thoughts
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