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.‹ These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.OCEAN, n.A body of water occupying about two- thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.OFFENSIVE, adj.Generating disagreeable emotions or sensations, as the advance of an army against its enemy.»Were the enemy's tactics offensive?« the king asked.»I should say so!« replied the unsuccessful general.»The blackguard wouldn't come out of his works!«OLD, adj.In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an old man.Discredited by lapse of time and offensive to the popular taste, as an old book.»Old books? The devil take them!« Goby said.»Fresh every day must be my books and bread.«Nature herself approves the Goby ruleAnd gives us every moment a fresh fool.Harley ShumOLEAGINOUS, adj.Oily, smooth, sleek.Disraeli once described the manner of Bishop Wilberforce as ›unctuous, oleaginous, saponaceous.‹ And the good prelate was ever afterward known as Soapy Sam.For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin.His enemies have only to find it.OLYMPIAN, adj.Relating to a mountain in Thessaly, once inhabited by gods, now a repository of yellowing newspapers, beer bottles and mutilated sardine cans, attesting the presence of the tourist and his appetite.His name the smirking tourist scrawlsUpon Minerva's temple walls,Where thundered once Olympian Zeus,And marks his appetite's abuse.Averil JoopOMEN, n.A sign that something will happen if nothing happens.OMNIPRESENT, adj.Everywhere at once.That the power of omnipresence, or ubiquity, is denied to mortals was known as early as the time of Sir Gotle Roche, who in a speech in Parliament said: »A man cannot be in two places at once unless he is a bird.«ONCE, adv.Enough.OPERA, n.A play representing life in another world, whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and no postures but attitudes.All acting is simulation, and the word simulation is from simia, an ape; but in opera the actor takes for his model Simia audibilis (or Pithecanthropos stentor) – the ape that howls.The actor apes a man – at least in shape;The opera performer apes an ape.OPIATE, n.An unlocked door in the prison of Identity.It leads into the jail yard.OPPORTUNITY, n.A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.OPPOSE, v.To assist with obstructions and objections.How lonely he who thinks to vexWith badinage the Solemn Sex!Of levity, Mere Man, beware;None but the Grave deserve the Unfair.Percy P.OrminderOPPOSITION, n.In politics the party that prevents the Government from running amuck by hamstringing it.The King of Ghargaroo, who had been abroad to study the science of government, appointed one hundred of his fattest subjects as members of a parliament to make laws for the collection of revenue.Forty of these he named the Party of Opposition and had his Prime Minister carefully instruct them in their duty of opposing every royal measure.Nevertheless, the first one that was submitted passed unanimously.Greatly displeased, the King vetoed it, informing the Opposition that if they did that again they would pay for their obstinacy with their head's.The entire forty promptly disemboweled themselves.»What shall we do now?« the King asked.»Liberal institutions cannot be maintained without a party of Opposition.«»Splendor of the universe,« replied the Prime Minister, »it is true these dogs of darkness have no longer their credentials, but all is not lost.Leave the matter to this worm of the dust.«So the Minister had the bodies of his Majesty's Opposition embalmed and stuffed with straw, put back into the seats of power and nailed there.Forty votes were recorded against every bill and the nation prospered.But one day a bill imposing a tax on warts was defeated – the members of the Government party had not been nailed to their seats! This so enraged the King that the Prime Minister was put to death, the parliament was dissolved with a battery of artillery, and government of the people, by the people, for the people perished from Ghargaroo.OPTIMISM, n.The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong
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